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Can you spot some different types of informal writing style in this example?
For our project we decided to check out the impact of two simple actions aimed at getting more female employees to use the stairs at a five floor worksite. The 2 things we did were we put up a health sign that linked stair use to health and fitness. (We put the sign at the junction between the staircase and the lift.) And the second thing was an email which we asked the worksite doctor to send out. We asked him to point out how regular stair use could be really good for general fitness. We did the research by checking things out in four stages: a baseline week, the week after the sign, the week after the email and then 3 weeks after that.
We were really pleased that stair use went up a lot in the week after the sign, from a baseline of 69% to 77%, and then up again to 89% after the email. Unfortunately, 4 weeks after the email was sent out, stair use had gone down to 67% and we were very disappointed about that. We had expected these simple actions to lead to more stair use but we didn’t think the positive effect would’ve vanished after a month. So it’s really difficult to make any recommendations based on our evidence.
We, our, I
A more personal writing style refers directly to the author(s), e.g. as 'I' or 'we'. Academic writing is usually impersonal, so would avoid a more personal style.
Really pleased, unfortunately, disappointed
Emotive language is 'subjective' and may influence the reader's opinion. Academic writing is usually objective, so would avoid more emotive language.
Check out, getting more, Went up a lot, point out how,
Everyday speech is often 'casual': ungrammatical or using slang, perhaps specific to a local area. Academic writing informs a wide audience, so is more formal and consistent in style
Everyday speech is often 'casual': ungrammatical or using slang, perhaps specific to a local area. Academic writing informs a wide audience, so is more formal and consistent in style.
Didn't, it's, would've
In everyday speech, words and phrases are often shortened or 'contracted'. Academic writing avoids contractions, in order to be clear and precise.
Students
said…